When It's Best Not to Share Your New Nest (to tell or not)
Did you ever have a thought that it would be so nice to have family stay for the holidays -- until they do?
Learning that you are pregnant can be excited, overwhelming and create maternal - as well as Barbara Walters-esque instincts. Think carefully before you go broadcasting your bump. Here is who to tell, the reasons why - and what you can do (and say).
1. The Dad:before this becomes politically incorrect - I am going to presume that any LGBT community members having a same-sex parternship in procreating are well aware that they are trying, so confirm with that person. Otherwise, the father, as long as he is a positive role in your life, should be the first to know (despite your assumptions of how he may react). Regardless of his response, not telling the dad first is a sure way to hurt his feelings and immediately sever trust in your new life. Trust is just as important if you are not planning on living together, as long as you want him to be an active father to your baby to be.
Be prepared for him to have a mix of emotions (likely you do also) and he may react shocked, happy, nervous, or not at all (until it sinks in). it is important to allow him his time to process fatherhood. Remember: we tend to think through things emotionally and we have the capability to live a lifetime of projected feelings in a split second. Give him time.
2. Your doctor. For some, this may be interchangeable with number 1. Decide if you want to go to the doctor with the support of the father, or maybe it's something you'd like to confirm on your own.
False positives happen. Unhealthy pregnancies (ectopic etc.) happen. Miscarriages are common. This is the number one reason not to mention anything outside of the "D List" (Daddy, Donor, Doctor).
Let your doctor give you some news. Some doctors recommend 8 weeks, most others 12 weeks until you are in the "clear" and are at a stage of reduced risk of miscarriage. This is a personal decision; some like others to know so that, if they miscarry, they have the support of friends and family. You know your comfort level; think of how you handle being sick, a family death, embarassment and personal news. Are you the type that posts everything you breathe on facebook or are you more reserved? Let your personality be your guide. And be on the same page as your partner... you never want information "leaked" without your control. No preggo paparazzi!
3. A STRANGER!The number one piece of advice I have for curing pregnancy oversharing... tell anyone who doesn't know you... the mom with toddler on the subway, a salesperson in a store you've never been in, a waiter... chances are they will be thrilled and it will satisfy your need to spill the beans. Besides, grandmas in department stores are always happy to chat about their experience and give generational advice - maybe so much so, you won't speak of it again for another few weeks.
When is it ok? We waited until we were 13 weeks to start sharing the news with family, particularly because of the nature of our pregnancy, we were concerned for the health of our baby. We are also unmarried - a decision that we both made for our happiness but one that others may not welcome with such a smile. And most importantly, because we wanted to enjoy our special moment, process our thoughts, and have answers for the impending incoming of 20/20 questions.
All in all; do what you feel works best for the lifestyle of you and your partner. There is no right and wrong, there's just you, becoming more of you.