Pants are unbuttoned. Skin is cold, but sweaty. Heart is racing... you're nervous, excited, and there may be tears.
No, this is not the day to lose your V... pretty sure you've already taken care of that. It's your gender reveal sono and everything is about to change.
If you are like me, and many other new mom's - a million thoughts race through your mind the second that blue indicates positive. One of the biggest is whether or not that confirming conception stick is indicating blue for a boy or is just concealing a girl.
There are many silly and fun gender tests from peeing in a cup of cabbage water to circling a ring over your belly and determinining if your salty or sweet cravings are any indication of what color to paint the nursery. And of course, everyone seems to ask what you are having and what you prefer.
I found that even though I am truly grateful for even becoming pregnant, carrying a baby through the first trimester and through what, so far, is a happy pregnancy, and just wishing for a healthy little human to emerge, I couldn't help but mentally play the boy-girl-boy-girl daisy picking mind game.
I am in my 20th week and now as I near the half way point, I discovered a different outlook on the impending sex-deciphering sonogram.
I realized that there are so few things that in this world that we don't know. I am fully aware - and even very intrigued - by unknown questions of existentialism, the purpose of life, 'proof' of God, if TuPac really is alive somewhere... etc. etc. etc. Yet, there is so little left to the imagination and fantasy.
One of the best parts of not knowing whether I am home to a boy or girl yet, is the unknown. There is a certain element of fantasy - the rush of waking up to a seemingly indicative dream, the imaginary decorating of the nursery, name browsing, window baby shopping and of course the emotions that some with each. It is a kind of excitement that so many of us feel as we near the end of high school... excited for it to be over: wishing, rushing and skipping it away - picturing what our lives will be, who we will become and what we will do . And then, when it comes - there's no going back.
I feel like I am losing a sort of innocence that I never truly enjoyed while cutting half of my senior year. So as excited as I am to find out if this baby is a he or she, I am relaxed in the sea of uncertainty. I will be spending the next 48 hours pinning, playing with the wiggles of my baby bump and pretending each scenario - and with this mindset, I have found that I am truly happy just to know that whatever this little human is, it was made with love.
Image is courtesy of Baby Version Rock photographed by Veronika Loubry. www.babyversionrock.com is a French boutique for bad-ass little ones 3-16 years.